Caregivers always benefit from having someone to talk to about their aging loved ones. That someone often is not another caregiver, as each caregiving situation is unique. A caregiver who has dealt with dementia may not be able to assist another caregiver who is dealing with physical frailty. The ideal person with whom to discuss eldercare issues with is someone who has experience with many different caregiving situations and has found solutions.
I am now doing Consulting, both on the phone and in private meetings with family members. I have worked with families of the aging for 25 years as a Geriatric Care Manager. From 1989 through 2015 I facilitated a support group for people dealing with eldercare issues. In addition to my experience, I am a trained Eldercare Mediator, have a master’s degree in counseling, and I am a National Certified Gerontological Counselor.
In discussions with caregivers of elders who are aging poorly, behaving oddly, have run out of resources, and other age-related issues, I have helped arrive at solutions that improved their situations. Sometimes the best solution has been to understand their parent and their feelings better, or to change physicians and track medications. Other times I have helped caregivers relocate their parents into a safer environment and avoid the guilt that often accompanies such a transition.
Besides my professional experience and education, I was a caregiver for both of my parents. After several years of frustration and anger, my mother sent my father to me in another state because she couldn’t deal with him. I took him to a physician in 1993 who told me my dad had “old-timer’s disease.” (He probably said Alzheimer’s, but I had no context; I’d not heard of that word or what it meant.) Later he died of pneumonia in a nursing home and I was grateful that he was spared further suffering.
My mother aged badly, too. She described the aliens in the attic and called to tell me she had no food in the house when her refrigerator was full. She wrecked her car; I dutifully arranged to have it repaired, but she drove it home and wrecked it again. The police told me I could not stop her from driving.
By this time, I was already in graduate school studying counseling and aging, and had learned to set boundaries. Looking back, I think Mother must have had vascular dementia, caused by many small strokes.
There was no one for me to talk to who understood aging issues. My husband had no better insight than I did. I talked to my friends; because I was a late life baby, no one had experience with aging parents. I visited nursing homes and assisted living communities, and talked to Mother about moving into one, to no avail. I talked to an ElderLaw attorney who told me I could not move Mother against her will. There was no one with whom I could share my concerns or give me advice about how to deal with the situation. I wish I had found someone like the person I am now to discuss my struggles with!
I charge by the hour, and you can use your hour in two half hour meetings or 4 10-minute phone calls, whatever you need. Call me to set an appointment – 972-839-0065